Once, when I was preparing myself to conduct a public seminar, I received a whole thought that seemed like it came out of nowhere: You will not teach by one word that emits from your mouth, but by how you show up in the room. I realized, then, that–although it is valuable to have sound experience and a pleasing personality–it would be in forging my character and integrity that I would most effectively develop into a good executive and leader.

You can sense when a person is coming from an authentic and knowledgeable place within themselves. For one thing, they are less likely to beat their chests and more likely to speak with quiet confidence. So much in our culture encourages superficial qualities, like a slick appearance and shtick. When you come across the “real deal,” it’s like a breath of fresh air, and they quickly engender trust. In my own life, it was in that moment back stage that I recommitted myself to building my character and integrity. I decided that I wanted to be known for these qualities more than any other.

At the most basic level, good character involves honesty, both in relationships with oneself and with others. Being honest with oneself requires being an observer of connections between words and behaviors–do they line up? Do I do what I say that other people should do? Do I live by what I say matters to me? Do I treat others with the same dignity and care that I expect for myself? Do I fulfill my promises and meet my commitments? Do I follow up with people to renegotiate when agreed-on deadlines slip? Do I own up to my mistakes and make quick restitution? Do I give credit to those who deserve it? These are just a few artifacts of maturity and character in a person.

Similarly, integrity is about coherence. Setting aside moral issues of right or wrong, it is worth noting when an individual’s affect or actions do not match his or her words. And even subtle disconnects can cause me to wonder what else in their lives doesn’t match. You know the person who displays passive-aggressive behaviors, for example–they say one thing to your face and do an entirely different thing behind your back. Not only is this type of person frustrating to work with, but they quickly lose our respect.

It’s not that you can’t get ahead if your actions and words aren’t fully aligned. All of us know leaders–some in really high places–that we don’t trust or respect. Rather, it’s that you will distinguish yourself from the rest of the pack if you spend some percent of your time attending to your character and ensuring integrity in your dealings with yourself and others.